The Naked Cat Story.

It was a relatively warm day. Sometime mid summer. My son was about three at the time, and at that time I had a cat called Nala. Now Nala was a firece and yet loving cat, and generous to a fault. She hunted and brought home many gifts.

And so it was, on that warm day, that I discovered such a gift. Plonk bong in the middle of the livingroom carpet, there it lay. A dead bird. I was aghast, horrified. What was I to do. Dead birds and germs doesn't equate well with little children running about.

I was immediately prompted into frenzied activity. I sprinted to the kitchen and grabbed a carrier bag, ( always sensible to recycle), and rushed back to the livingroom. I picked the poor bird up with the bag and turned it inside out and tied a knot in it.

All thoughts had been driven from my mind except the overwhelming need to get the contaminant out of the house as quickly as possible. I had to protect my son at all costs. I was not to know at that time the high cost that I would have to pay.

before I knew it I was at the front door bag in hand. best place for dead thing in bag I thought, The black bin outside. I swung the door open wide and suddenly it dawned on me. I looked down. Fuck! SHit! I was completely bollock naked.

I reacted almost instantly. I ducked down and placed a hand over my lower regions and using the other door went to slam the door shut as quickly as I could. AAaargghh I let rip a scream. I had slammed the door right onto my boob.

My mind was filled with awful thoughts. Had anyone seen me? What would they think? It's not as if I have the healthiest of diets and go to the gym regularly. And then I started to laugh and for about 24 hours I couldn't stop laughing. I even laughed when my neighbour chapped my door and said that her brother had been visiting and had noticed me at the door and he was thinking of visiting on a more regular basis. I even laughed when my manager asked me if I was presenting myself and the bag to the street and giving them the option of choosing a live or a dead bird. I laughed when i phoned every member of my family and all my friends. And part of me still laughs now. Only me I swear to god. Only me.